What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.