Dog chef baking muffins
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.