Dog chef baking muffins
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.