Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.