BIKE PATH

Bike path

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New jokes

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Adele
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.