Electric vs diesel car
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.