Days without woman
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99