Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Bug in soup
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."