Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!