Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.