SLEEPING BABY

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Sleeping baby

#kid #child #funny #sleep #sleeping #bored #tired #exhausted #baby #car #blue #people #feature #activities #emotion #vehicle #color

New jokes

MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.

Cats exercise
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

LIGHTS OFF
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.