Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."