Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.