Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.