VODKA AND MUM

Vodka and mum

#funny #drink #drinking #drive #driving #crazy #woman #thirsty #red #blonde #liquor #dangerous #stupid #feature #food #activities #people #color

New jokes

50 cent
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.

Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!