Vodka and mum
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.