Vodka and mum
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.