Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.