HOMER SIMPSON

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Homer simpson

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New jokes

Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

50 cent
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.