MAN WITH BRUSH

Man with brush

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New jokes

Unhappy day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.

Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!

Naughty girls
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.