Baby looking to military tank
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!