Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."