DRUNK SNOWMAN

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Drunk snowman

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New jokes

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.

Adele
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Google
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.