Dance like no one is watching
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Reporter vs man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."